itsanexperimentjohn:

theliteralmagpie:

aruf0nsu:

okay so imagine an au where the potters live. harry dates oliver wood briefly. james hears of this and pulls harry aside. stares him in the eye with a deadly serious face
“he’s a Keeper”

You made an entire AU that would alter almost every facet of that series
For a pun
You’re a beautiful person.

"Are you serious right now, Dad?"

"No, I’m not serious. I’m Dad. He’s Sirius."

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Jul 2014 with 130,354 notes via/source
Xthere's more Xhp Xpuns

snowmercury:

hauntedpamplemousse:

orcasoup:

those moments when straight people assume you’re one of them and you feel like a gay secret agent

lesbionage

bi spy 

it’s an ace case

reblogged 2 days ago @ 20 Jul 2014 with 76,956 notes via/source
Xpuns Xomfg

repulsor:

darkwingsnark:

officialheinzdoofenshmirtz:

you have 10 seconds to think of a way to make the average vampire movie fresh and new and exciting again

A vampire going through the daily struggles of trying to hide his ever lasting boner— as rigor mortis is an unkind friend. 

die hard

reblogged 3 days ago @ 20 Jul 2014 with 17,037 notes via/source
XOMF XPUNS

the-average-gatsby:

alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy

brace yourselves

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

reblogged 6 days ago @ 16 Jul 2014 with 23,114 notes via/source
XJESUS Xi'm pretty sure i heard this joke before but i forgot how it ended XUNBELIEVABLE Xpuns

holmelesswhovian:

i had this teacher and he always used to make this joke;
'where do pencils go on holiday?….pencilvania!'
but 
one lesson we were just reading quietly and he just stood up from marking tests and said 'Oh. My. God. Pennsylvania's a real place.'
then he started laughing so hard he covered his face with both hands and walked out and different teacher had to continue the lesson

reblogged 2 weeks ago @ 08 Jul 2014 with 98,143 notes via/source
Xi cant believe Xpuns

Lee Gatlin
reblogged 2 weeks ago @ 05 Jul 2014 with 141,743 notes via/source
Xomg?? Xpuns

dutchster:

masturbation is a touchy subject

reblogged 2 weeks ago @ 04 Jul 2014 with 36,873 notes via/source
Xpuns
Anonymous said:
Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse; But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom.
answered 2 weeks ago @ 04 Jul 2014 with 76,828 notes via/source
XPUNS

meatbicyclevevo:

meatbicyclevevo:

What’s the definition of a will?

Come on guys it’s a dead giveaway

reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 01 Jul 2014 with 119,592 notes via/source
XNO XPUNS

officialtuxedo:

I bought shoes from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day

reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 29 Jun 2014 with 4,120 notes via/source
Xno Xpuns